Prim and Proper Teachers...NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I was in elementary I followed my teachers' instructions down to the last letter. I would cry buckets of tears if my mom was not able to follow the things that my teacher wanted to buy for a project. If my teacher said something it felt like it was straight out of a very important covenant..welll when you're in elementary adults seem to look like the great wizards of all time...but like any put on stance...you eventually realize its just all for show...you find out about it in a very weird and ridiculous but hilarious way...at least to me it was hilarios and it was like they most certainly had it coming...hah! Imagine making me memorize all those food groups! As if I espoused my intentions for the food industry!! I love to eat..but to cook...not so enthusiastic about it..but fortunately I am a pretty good cook though not a very willing one. Sorry had to digress...going back...let's talk about my mom and my teachers in elementary..one of them became my godmother...dear me!! My mom thought having a PE teacher for a godmother would do wonders for me....It all started when I started to eat lunch at the faculty room...Ahhh there was my music teacher who looked like a plain jane and pretty geeky..who you thought probably has never gone beyond a first date...But then..to my horror she started shedding her geeky appearance and started to blabber animatedly about a guy she dated and their "Movie Date"....HAHAHAHAHA!!! As I was consuming my food, I felt the urge to drink water endlessly lest the food come out of my nose and my ears because I felt a strong jolt hit me! Then it struck me...so much for the prim and proper stance they exude...I liked my "other" PE teacher better..she was gung ho and what you see is what you get..too bad her son did not inherit her traits. He was a scraggly skinny boy..I will bet my small pinkie finger that he's either a cartoonist now or a writer...better off working behind the scenes..but let's give him some credit..his english was impeccable and so were his drawings...as a person...kind of funny in a weird way..loves to spoof aliens...but a chick magnet? NAAAAAHHHH Not a slim chance my dear. HEHEHEH!! So on to my other two teachers...My mom invited them to our party even though I begged her not to..I got a sample of the geek gone flirty remember? And it sure as hell gave me the chills!!! Creepy!!! Ick!!! So the ladies arrived...and they wined and dined...yatta yatta yatta....As they became helplessly inebriated the shocking revelation unraveled before my very eyes....my Ninang (godmother) was babbling about how much she loves my "Tito" ...Of course she had to compete with my piano teacher and whole lotta women....what can I say the guy was a darn good looker..but his fingers were stubby..(That's another story) so she was mouthing those almost incomprehensible words and pauses every now and then as if she was going to blow (God forbid! If the celphone video was in vogue back then I would upload her video without batting an eyelash! I don't think she can expel me for that! HEHEHEHE) Then like a lone wolf on top of a mountain on a cold chilly night...she howled....er...screamed rather...Boooobbbbbyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!! I loveeee youuuuuuu Boobbbbyyyyyyy!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! It was so hilarious...I saw everything as I snuck out to watch her and her wild antics on full display...(remember I was banished to the bedroom at 9...well my mom forgot..I could always sneak out and the divider...was an excellent cover. Hah bet you didn't know that Mom! May she rest in peace) .... Then my Home Economics class teacher..ever the silent well poised one...goesss.....Allloouuuuu ano ba yaaaaannn???? (Alou what is that????) Then you'll know they are too drunk for good measure coz they started to crawl like Lizards on our living room!!!!! To make matters worse, my blue eyed Tito...he attended the party....ahahahahahahaahaha...and my fatsy of a piano teacher was there....Oh wow so many women too little time! Let's call her Duday...Duday loved Bobby...but then again she knew she didn't have a chance..ahahahahaha quick thinking...Duday had the lips of someone who wanted to have the puckers of Angelina Jolie...POST OP...so use your imagination...Fat and short haired...and very strict...(love the piano, hate the teacher!) Then Alouuu in her drunken stupor hurled herself to Bobby...and said Roberttooooo!! AHAHAHAHAHAHHA!! My tito..who looked as if he wanted to pass out of humiliation or the smell of her stinkin' breath...cigarette and liquor notwithstanding..actually I don't know if he wanted the earth to swallow him for both reasons...but he removed her arms that was latched on to him and in his most gallant and subdued voice though I could tell he was reeling...totally pissed and all said "alou, you're drunk you don't know what you're saying.....and Alou...stop it...You're not my type please!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Now ain't that one good lookin' snob????? And after hearing that Alou passed out...and Vicky...after witnessing the humiliation of her friend and co-teacher's manifestation of undying love..was too stunned...her mouth open...her eyes darting from my tito to her friend...she clung to the edges of the sofa if they were on a training at NASA for space exploration....and then...with nary a word...she passed out. Two prim and proper teachers...In embarassing conditions...sprawled on our living room...reeking of liquor and cigarette smell...and in true drunken fashion...they snored!! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!

By the way, this ninang of mine was one teacher who told my mom that I couldn't catch up with her class coz I didn't have a book...(What can I do..photocopiers were still not a dime a dozen during those days..) and my ever gracious mom told me that right in front of everyone...of course I was stunned and angry!!! I locked myself up in the bathroom and cursed to the high heavens!!! Ok I nearly tore off the flush of the toilet coz I was upset! Then I promised myself I would really dig up some dirt on this woman...who was so insensitive...who had such a very unbecoming nature...her Principal and co-teachers would have cringed at her sight...So being the elementary student that I was...I collected myself and dusted myself off..and stormed off and faced them...the tipsy, the drunk, the heartbroken and the bewildered...and in true indignant fashion I said...I CAN'T CATCH UP??? WELL HEADS UP!!!! YOU CAN'T STAND UP YOU INCORRIGIBLE DRUNK!!!! AND YOU HAVE A LOVER....TAKE THAT DUMDUM!!!! (that's how I referred to dumbness back then...I must have conjured that up after hearing dumdum lots of times on tv! ) Hmm I thought dumb is too strong a word...let's soften it up..so dumdum it is..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! And that is how we never came to speaking terms again...so you could just imagine how early I got started with my acerbic tongue! So from then on...my teachers have fallen off the pedestal...off their white horses...They, to me are just as human and crazy as any Tom, Dick or Harry when they are out of their wits. As for my mom..trust her to come up with a real knockout of a line...now do you believe me that they're not perfect??? And I just looked at my mom and said you bet!!